bFfLz

What's worse?
Being alone , or being surrounded by people who make you feel lonely?
Technically, I have a huge group of friends. I invited more than 20 people to my birthday party and most of them came. And the ones that couldn't come complained about how they couldn't come and wished they could. I'm not bragging, quite the opposite actually. How is it that I have so many friends, yet I constantly feel alone? Out of all these "friends" there are only a few that I actually consider to be my friends. And out of those girls, there's not a single one that's been there for me 100% of the time. That's not all their fault though, I lost touch with a few of them. Casey is one of my best friends but we don't talk for months sometimes. Dani and I actually lost touch for a year I think, and we don't talk very often, but I love her to death. Lily and Bea, well, we definitely hangout a lot more than I do with the other girls but sometimes I feel like Bea wouldn't really care if I never talked to her again. Then there's Lilith Fair, I didn't like her at all in seventh grade but now it seems like we're best friends. She's kind of odd, I barely know anything about her but we hungout almost everyday of 9th grade. Lastly, Carley and Molly. I'll start with Carley, last year, we were such great friends, then Gert and I got in a huge fight and Carley was kind of the cause of it. Carley and I were rocky for the beginning of this year, we've gotten better but we're still nowhere near as close as we were last year. I miss her, I really do. Molly. I'm there for her 24/7. She comes to me with all of her problems and I help her. I can read that girl like a book. I know how she feels about something before she does sometimes. But... I feel like she's never there for me, like I do all this for her and she doesn't do much for me. I just feel like I'm being her best friend and she's not treating me like a best friend should, unless she has problem. All I ever wanted in life was a best friend. A best friend who I could just be myself around, who was always there for me, who understood me, who never judged me, and I would do the same for her. I just want someone who will be that for me, like I've been doing for so many other people. Does that make sense? I feel like, I play the role of best friend to a lot of people but no one is my best friend. I just hate this feeling of aloneness. Why can't I be normal? WHY?


 *Just a note to say that any names I've used in any of my blog posts are not real. The people are real and once I come up with an alias for that person, if I mention them again in one of my blog posts, it'll be under the same alias.
This does not include when I talk about Celebrities or Book Characters.

Shrinking Violet

You know that feeling? The one where you realize you've done something wrong but it's now too late to fix it? I thought I did but then I realized, it's never too late to fix it. So please, for your own sake, try, or you'll live your whole life regretting it.