Today I remembered that most people are incapable of keeping promises and they're bound to let you down. I remembered what it felt like to want so badly to just explode, and then have to find another way to get your feelings out. But you see I found that way about four years ago. And every year my secret New Years Resolution is to not go back to that place where I've spent too much time in these past four years. So here's to next year, because this year has already been ruined too many times.
I think maybe a small part of me knows. Knows that this is an addiction and I'm going to need some serious help to get over it but, no one sees. I've blinded them with smiles and fun and parties and nice clothes. They used to be suspicious, four years ago, because of the way I looked and acted back then, but what they don't know is that is still who I am, she's just hiding behind layer upon layer of fake and she only comes out when I'm alone.
And she's dangerous, mostly just to me but who knows how far she'd be willing to go.
Slowly but surely she's coming back, she's taking over my life again.
She's killing me softly.
