Just Call Me Beautiful

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, what did I do to deserve this ?

I have. Almost everyday.

No matter how many times people tell me, you're pretty, you're beautiful, you're gorgeous, I'll never believe it.

You see, when somebody compliments me I usually say "Not really, but thanks."

The reason for this is not because I'm fishing for compliments but because, that's how I truly feel.

It's a proven fact that when you look in mirror you see only all your flaws, but everybody else doesn't. So therefore, you look better to everybody else. I guess I just don't see what they see, all I see is a dissapointment.

I'll never be that girl. The one that all the boys want because she's beautiful, hot, gorgeous, flawless, 

p e r f e c t.

There was this one day when my friends and I were sitting at the lunch table at school and we were talking about self-esteem. I said to them "I actually have really low self-esteem." And they laughed. But can I blame them ?

I put on such a show. I hide behind the make-up and the clothes and the fake smiles. It's so much easier to hide behind happiness then to actually be myself.

But, since last year, I've been trying.

I don't want to go back to where I used to be. I won't. I can't. I just... It was horrible.

And I never wanna go through it again.

I've been looking in the mirror, and instead of punching myself in the stomach, listening to the voices in my head and repeating their words, "You're fat. You're ugly. Nobody will ever love you."

I look in the mirror and I say " HEY! Don't think like that, you're beautiful."

And one day, I will start believing it.