If I'm too young to be feeling it then tell me how old I have to be.
And tell me why.
Why do I feel like this?
And if this isn't love then tell me what it is?
And last of all, TELL ME HOW TO MAKE IT GO THE FUCK AWAY.
I'm 15. I want to have fun and try new things and just be crazy. (And get good grades because yes, I care about school) I DON'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE!
Well, technically, I'm not in love.
I'm in something worse. Way, way, waaaaayyyyy worse.
And it is called... drumroll please!
Unrequited love.
I am in unrequited love.
With a boy I've known my entire life who lives on the other side of the country I live in.
A boy who yes, cares about me, but not like I want him too.
A boy who I never thought would like me back, but for some odd reason, 3 years ago I decided to tell him I liked him.
I was right though, he didn't like me back.
What bothers me most about that, is that he never directly said, "I don't feel the same way."
I just said, "Please don't hate me." or something like that and he said something like, "It's okay, you can't control who you like."
Anyways, none of that even matters, what matter is that he will never like me back.
Okay, well, not never, but, there's a 99% chance he will never like me back.
But I'm a teenage girl, I have the heart and mind of a teenage girl.
My mind is telling me "Get over him. He doesn't want you? Then he doesn't deserve you."
But my heart is telling me "Girl, there's a 1% chance, that's all you need, as long as you got a chance, no matter how small, it's still a chance. You just need to show him how great you are! You've changed a lot since the last time you saw him."
And the problem is, I don't know which one to go with.
Okay well, that's not true.
Normally, I always go with my heart, but, in this case, I WANT to go with my brain.
BUT I CAN'T GET OVER HIM. HE'S JUST SO PERFECT. AHHHH.
I guess, it's better that he doesn't live here, because sometimes I'm able to push him out of my mind for a bit because I don't see him or hear from him very often. But he always creeps back in there.
I've been that girl who spent days upon days (years upon years actually) obsessing and crying over a guy. And I wish I hadn't. I've wasted so much time on boys and I'm not going to waste anymore. This year is about me. And making my relationships with my girlfriends stronger because they're more important to me than any boy could ever be.
I just, needed to accept the fact that I still have feelings for Asher.
And I know, that if he were to tell me he liked me.
I'd do the long distance relationship thing in a heart beat.
Because I trust him completely and fully and even though I only see him every 4 years (if I'm lucky) it'd be worth it. It'd be worth it for him.
So, I'm going to stop pretending that I'm over him. I've had this crush for 7 years and it's not going away anytime soon so I'm just going to embrace it and try to move on with my life. I think another reason for my rule where I'm not allowing myself to date this year (well, until I turn 16) is because it's not really fair to other guys for me to date them when I obviously like Asher more.
But hey, if I find a guy who I like more than Asher that likes me too, well hallelujah!
But for now, I'll just stick to not wanting to be in love.
*Just a note to say that any names I've used in any of my blog posts are not real. The people are real and once I come up with an alias for that person, if I mention them again in one of my blog posts, it'll be under the same alias.
This does not include when I talk about Celebrities or Book Characters.
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