I Am Only Human

And as I walked through the hallway a feeling of aloneness swept over me.

I stopped in my tracks and realized that, I was indeed, alone.

I don't like this place my life has come to, one by one, my best friends fade away.

I'm left in this place where everybody and their best friend is doing something, and I'm left alone.

Today in gym class I sat down and said to myself, "Wow. You have nobody."

I don't know why but, it just seems like nobody really wants to be around me right now.

They all have somewhere else to be, they sit there making plans with each other right in front of me, leaving me to wonder where I went wrong.

I guess that's the problem with having a lot of friends, you're not really that close with them.

I just wish... I don't even know. I wish life was easy.

I wish I didn't have to sit here and worry about being forever alone.

Maybe, I'm just one of those people who ends up bitter and alone with 38 cats.

So I did what I always do when I have a problem.

First, I thought about why it could of happened.

It occurred to me that, I am a little different then I used to be.

Not too long ago, I decided that I was done.

I meant a lot of things by that.

You see, I've always been the nice girl, I'll give you my food when you're hungry even if I haven't eaten anything all day, I'm always helping everybody, it's just the way I am. I put everyone else first.

Then, I decided that, I MATTER TOO.

I do so much for so many people and what do I get ? Nothing.

I decided that I had to start caring about myself too.

That I wasn't going to let myself get used or put down any longer.

That I wasn't going to put up with everyone's crap.

Maybe that's driven them away from me.

The fact that I no longer exist only to please them.

Sometimes, I just want to sit down and cry.

Cry and cry until my eyes are dry.

But I don't.

I tell myself  "You're stronger than this, you'll make it through."

I'm a really sensitive person, the smallest of things can make me upset.

Usually, it's because it pertains to something else but, still.

All I ever wanted, was to be happy.

Is that so much to ask ?