Do you ever feel alone?
Do you ever feel lost?
Do you ever feel sad?
Do you ever feel sad, lost, & alone?
I know I do sometimes. But today, someone (AdorianDeck) pointed out that, without all the bad things that happen to us and make us feel sad, lost, and alone, we wouldn't be who we are today.
I'm proud of who I am. It may have taken me awhile to get here but I did.
And I agree with Mr. Deck on this one.
I've had my fair share of bullies and bad things happening to me, but without them, I wouldn't be the person that I am so proud to be.
So I just wanted to say, to anybody who's listening, it DOES get better.
And the bad things that happen to you in life can make you into a better person if you let them.
As Adorian said, I may not know you personally, but I know that you are a unique human being and you are beautiful just the way you are and I love you.
If anyone out there is feeling sad, lost, & alone and you see this, just know I'm here for you.
And if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me anytime. <3
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Another Sad Song
I did it today. It's been one month and twenty days since the last text he sent me.
I deleted them. ALL OF THEM. They started in July of 2011, because that's when I got this phone, and I've never deleted a single one until now. (And if you count my old phone, they started in 2010)
It was just important for me, I have to let go of him. It took me awhile but I finally did it.
Now I just need to delete his number...
I cried. I read through some of our old texts and I cried, because I miss him, a lot.
But I'm going to delete his number right now.
Because whatever we had is over, and it's over for good.
There.
It's gone.
His texts are gone, his number is gone, he's gone.
A part of me thinks it was love, at one point.
But logic tells me I'm too young to even know what love is.
What I do know is that I still miss him.
Every time I see him around school (which isn't very often) I want to scream in his face "I FUCKING MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS!" But I don't.
I...I can't even say anything anymore.
I'm just... I thought we'd...I don't even.
UGH.
I deleted them. ALL OF THEM. They started in July of 2011, because that's when I got this phone, and I've never deleted a single one until now. (And if you count my old phone, they started in 2010)
It was just important for me, I have to let go of him. It took me awhile but I finally did it.
Now I just need to delete his number...
I cried. I read through some of our old texts and I cried, because I miss him, a lot.
But I'm going to delete his number right now.
Because whatever we had is over, and it's over for good.
There.
It's gone.
His texts are gone, his number is gone, he's gone.
A part of me thinks it was love, at one point.
But logic tells me I'm too young to even know what love is.
What I do know is that I still miss him.
Every time I see him around school (which isn't very often) I want to scream in his face "I FUCKING MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS!" But I don't.
I...I can't even say anything anymore.
I'm just... I thought we'd...I don't even.
UGH.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Highschool
The hallways of highschool are filled with people you used to know.
When you think about it, isn't that a little depressing?
You're constantly having to look at people and think "She was my best friend." "I dated him." "We got into a fight and never talk anymore." "She ditched me for a cooler group of people. "We just kind of drifted apart." "We were friends for 7 years and we haven't talked since junior high." and so on, you get my point.
And yeah, there are a whole bunch of people that you don't know, it almost feels like there's more people that you do know, and maybe there is.
Highschool is hard, I'll tell you that, it's the last place I want to be but I don't really have a choice.
You'll spend three or four years of your life there, and then leave and never look back.
Fuck highschool, I can't wait until I graduate.
When you think about it, isn't that a little depressing?
You're constantly having to look at people and think "She was my best friend." "I dated him." "We got into a fight and never talk anymore." "She ditched me for a cooler group of people. "We just kind of drifted apart." "We were friends for 7 years and we haven't talked since junior high." and so on, you get my point.
And yeah, there are a whole bunch of people that you don't know, it almost feels like there's more people that you do know, and maybe there is.
Highschool is hard, I'll tell you that, it's the last place I want to be but I don't really have a choice.
You'll spend three or four years of your life there, and then leave and never look back.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
You May Say I'm A Dreamer But I'm Not The Only One
Let's have a moment of silence for Mr. John Lennon folks.
He would have been 72 years old today. I first heard of John
Lennon 5 years ago when I was introduced to a wonderful band called the Beatles. (and by introduced, I mean introduced to their music, obviously not the actual members.) You all know I'm only 15, so yes this means I was 10 when I first started loving the Beatles. Let it Be was the first song I really got into, and then after a few years I was hooked. Imagine was the first song I heard by John Lennon. And to this day, Let it Be is still my favourite Beatles song and Imagine is still my favourite John Lennon song. Now, most people don't know this about me but John Lennon shows up everywhere in my everyday life. Obviously, he's in the name of my blog url johnlennonforlife.blogspot.ca, he's also in my twitter bio "Life is what happens when you're making plans." -JL, https://twitter.com/Starrgiirl, a quote from Imagine is on my tumblr, "You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one." http://starrgiirl97.tumblr.com, I have two different emails that have "johnlennon" in them. And another funfact, random facts about him are the passwords to many of my accounts for different sites. Without even realizing until right now, John Lennon, even though he's not with us today, is a huge part of my, and many other fans lives. There's a quote from a song called Candle in the Wind that would fit in nicely here "Your candle burnt out long before, your legend ever did." So in case you were curious, you now know where the "johnlennonforlife" came from. That's all for now, I'll leave you with some music to remember this idol who will forever hold a place in our hearts. And also check out this website for some of his best quotes http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/08/john-lennons-20-best-quotes_n_1949665.html.
He would have been 72 years old today. I first heard of John
Lennon 5 years ago when I was introduced to a wonderful band called the Beatles. (and by introduced, I mean introduced to their music, obviously not the actual members.) You all know I'm only 15, so yes this means I was 10 when I first started loving the Beatles. Let it Be was the first song I really got into, and then after a few years I was hooked. Imagine was the first song I heard by John Lennon. And to this day, Let it Be is still my favourite Beatles song and Imagine is still my favourite John Lennon song. Now, most people don't know this about me but John Lennon shows up everywhere in my everyday life. Obviously, he's in the name of my blog url johnlennonforlife.blogspot.ca, he's also in my twitter bio "Life is what happens when you're making plans." -JL, https://twitter.com/Starrgiirl, a quote from Imagine is on my tumblr, "You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one." http://starrgiirl97.tumblr.com, I have two different emails that have "johnlennon" in them. And another funfact, random facts about him are the passwords to many of my accounts for different sites. Without even realizing until right now, John Lennon, even though he's not with us today, is a huge part of my, and many other fans lives. There's a quote from a song called Candle in the Wind that would fit in nicely here "Your candle burnt out long before, your legend ever did." So in case you were curious, you now know where the "johnlennonforlife" came from. That's all for now, I'll leave you with some music to remember this idol who will forever hold a place in our hearts. And also check out this website for some of his best quotes http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/08/john-lennons-20-best-quotes_n_1949665.html.Saturday, October 6, 2012
Selfish
You have to be extremely selfish to have kids.
That's what I always thought, and in a way, I still believe it.
Not everybody who has kids is selfish though, you've heard of them, the kids that love their parents more than anything.
And can you blame them?
Their parents are amazing, because yes, good parents do exist.
So, anybody that has kids, and is not a good parent, is selfish.
Why?
Because my parents brought me into this world for their own selfish reasons without my permission just so I could spend the majority of my life hating them and wishing I was never born.
And I get it okay? I get that we have money, and we have a nice house, and I wear nice clothes, and we go on vacations, and we have food to eat, I get that there are people out there that have it worse.
But that doesn't mean that I'm not suffering too.
And I'm tired of being told that I have no right to feel sorry for myself, that I have no right to hate my life, that I have no right to want to die.
Until you've lived my life for as long as I have, you have no right to say that.
For as long as I can remember, I've hated my parents, so you can't blame this on teenage hormones.
We're at the point right now where I'm sure they think they're great at parenting.
This blows my mind because honestly, the only way for them to be any worse would be to start physically abusing us, which they've come pretty close to many times. Not a day goes by where I don't wish I was out of this house and away from my parents.
I would give up everything, my insanely awesome wardrobe, all my electronics, all the trips we go on, my queen sized bed, EVERYTHING, just to get away from my parents.
I don't know where they learned their parenting skills from, but it's ruining my life.
One day I'll make them see what they've done to me, I'm broken beyond repair by now, so yeah, I'll never be fixed but I still want them to see just how much damage they've done.
Nothing can be done about my past, but if I play it right, my parents will not be a part of my future.
That's what I always thought, and in a way, I still believe it.
Not everybody who has kids is selfish though, you've heard of them, the kids that love their parents more than anything.
And can you blame them?
Their parents are amazing, because yes, good parents do exist.
So, anybody that has kids, and is not a good parent, is selfish.
Why?
Because my parents brought me into this world for their own selfish reasons without my permission just so I could spend the majority of my life hating them and wishing I was never born.
And I get it okay? I get that we have money, and we have a nice house, and I wear nice clothes, and we go on vacations, and we have food to eat, I get that there are people out there that have it worse.
But that doesn't mean that I'm not suffering too.
And I'm tired of being told that I have no right to feel sorry for myself, that I have no right to hate my life, that I have no right to want to die.
Until you've lived my life for as long as I have, you have no right to say that.
For as long as I can remember, I've hated my parents, so you can't blame this on teenage hormones.
We're at the point right now where I'm sure they think they're great at parenting.
This blows my mind because honestly, the only way for them to be any worse would be to start physically abusing us, which they've come pretty close to many times. Not a day goes by where I don't wish I was out of this house and away from my parents.
I would give up everything, my insanely awesome wardrobe, all my electronics, all the trips we go on, my queen sized bed, EVERYTHING, just to get away from my parents.
I don't know where they learned their parenting skills from, but it's ruining my life.
One day I'll make them see what they've done to me, I'm broken beyond repair by now, so yeah, I'll never be fixed but I still want them to see just how much damage they've done.
Nothing can be done about my past, but if I play it right, my parents will not be a part of my future.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Hotel California
It's been longer than a month of Sunday's since the last time we had any contact with each other.
I can't help thinking this is my fault, even when deep down I know it's not.
We got in little fights all the time, we always made up, it was no big deal.
I guess this time was different.
This time the fight was so stupid I didn't even realize we were fighting until it was two weeks later and you hadn't texted me.
For a while I was upset, I missed you, I still do.
You were the only person who always knew how to make me feel loved, the only person who cared enough to see through my lies.
I'd always said I wouldn't be able to live without you, but I'm doing it right now.
So for a while I was upset, but then I realized something.
E V E R Y T H I N G H A P P E N S F O R A R E A S O N.
Because in the back of my mind I'd always known we weren't meant to be.
Forever could see us not, you and me.
We were just too different to ever work out.
And our relationship was too confusing, were we really just friends?
A lot of the time it seemed like we were crossing some sort of line, but neither of us said anything about it.
So even though I miss you, and even though a part of me want's you back in my life, I'm not going to try and fix us.
We were always kind of broken, and now the glass has shattered so badly that even if we do manage to fix it, we'll always know at one point it was broken because it will never be the same.
So this is it, it's been a long time coming, and we've been running from our always inevitable fate.
But I'm done running.
I'm embracing life without you and I'm moving on.
The fact that you had a huge impact on my life will never change, I'll always remember you.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is, even though I'm moving on, even though our friendship is over, even though I'm not going to try and fix this, sometimes I still wonder, do you ever miss me just a little bit?
*Every relationship ends except for the one that doesn't.*
I can't help thinking this is my fault, even when deep down I know it's not.
We got in little fights all the time, we always made up, it was no big deal.
I guess this time was different.
This time the fight was so stupid I didn't even realize we were fighting until it was two weeks later and you hadn't texted me.
For a while I was upset, I missed you, I still do.
You were the only person who always knew how to make me feel loved, the only person who cared enough to see through my lies.
I'd always said I wouldn't be able to live without you, but I'm doing it right now.
So for a while I was upset, but then I realized something.
E V E R Y T H I N G H A P P E N S F O R A R E A S O N.
Because in the back of my mind I'd always known we weren't meant to be.
Forever could see us not, you and me.
We were just too different to ever work out.
And our relationship was too confusing, were we really just friends?
A lot of the time it seemed like we were crossing some sort of line, but neither of us said anything about it.
So even though I miss you, and even though a part of me want's you back in my life, I'm not going to try and fix us.
We were always kind of broken, and now the glass has shattered so badly that even if we do manage to fix it, we'll always know at one point it was broken because it will never be the same.
So this is it, it's been a long time coming, and we've been running from our always inevitable fate.
But I'm done running.
I'm embracing life without you and I'm moving on.
The fact that you had a huge impact on my life will never change, I'll always remember you.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is, even though I'm moving on, even though our friendship is over, even though I'm not going to try and fix this, sometimes I still wonder, do you ever miss me just a little bit?
*Every relationship ends except for the one that doesn't.*
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