Goodbye Forever

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

I did. I tried, and I tried and I tried. 

But I'm not getting anywhere.

I can't take any more failures, I just can't. 

I have to live in reality, not some fantasy world.

I'm never going to be a singer, I'm not good enough.

I've tried out for my last musical.

I wasn't Sharpay, Taylor, Gabriella, or even Kelsey in HSM.

I wasn't Grace, Annie, or even one of the other orphans in Annie.

I wasn't anywhere close to being Jasmine, or one of the narrators in Aladdin.

I didn't even make it through the first round of Karaoke Star Jr. or The Next Star.

The only time I ever place first in the music festival is when I'm the only one in my category. 

I still truly believe that I can write lyrics, no one can take that away from me.

But I guess now I just won't be the one singing my songs.

I've been contemplating whether or not to quit voice lessons.

This is my fifth year doing them.

I've decided now. Not only will I give up voice lessons, I'm giving up singing altogether.

I'll be in highschool next year and it'll give me more time to concentrate on my studies anyways. I'm not going to stop singing, I'm just going to stop trying to be a singer. No more TV contests, recitals, music festivals, voice lessons, being in musicals, and I won't take vocals next year in high-school like I planned to. No more singing in front of people. The only person who will hear me sing, is me.

Now that I know singing won't get me through life I have to realize I can't count on writing either.

I still want to be an author, but I need a back up plan.

I'm thinking I'll be an ELA Professor or Teacher, a Therapist, or a Lawyer.

Back on track, "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" is all well and good but, if trying again breaks your heart, soul, and spirit every time, then give up.

If I keep trying, one day I'll finally break, and I don't want that.

I'm not a quitter. So even though in this musical, Guys and Dolls, I didn't get Adelaide or Sarah, I should stick with it, I'll probably end up quitting though. I'll have to finish this year's voice lessons, they're already paid for. But come next year, I'm done.

Two other girls got Adelaide and Sarah. If there two girls in my school , population less than 400 who are better at singing then me (and there's probably other girls in my school who are better too) then imagine how many there are in the whole world. I don't want to know.

Yeah, I'm upset, but I'll get over it. I don't think I could get over another failure.

It's time to let this wild dream go, as much as I may want to hold onto it.

R.I.P. MY SINGING VOICE

you had more lovers than haters,

always remember that.

I'll miss you, take care.