Through The Light

It's time.

It's time I let go of who I used to be.

Of the people who've hurt me.

Of everything I've been through.

And today I start. 

Today I start, and who knows when I'll stop? It could take days, weeks, months, years, for me to finish.

But if I don't start, I'll never finish.

I'll be honest, because what do I really have to lose?

This is an attempt to stop myself from feeling suicidal. 

Yeah, that's right. 

Everybody thinks I'm the happy one. They say I'm smart, funny, happy, stylish, rich,I have it all. 

That's because it's easier to hide when everyone thinks you're okay. 

It's so much easier to stand out and get noticed and seem happy because no one would ever guess that on the inside, I want to die.
There. I said it.  I  W A N T  T O  D I E .

Sometimes, I just start crying. I guess you could say it's for no reason, but it's not.

It's because I'm thinking. 

I want to be more like the girl everyone thinks I am, I guess I figured if I pretended for long enough, I'd start to believe it too.

And for a little while, I think I did. 

But, I want to be happy for real.

I keep trying, I really do.

I even got a therapist for a while.

She believed the fake happiness too, which is sad because, she's paid to know that really I'm depressed.

Anyways, I want my chance to pass through the light.

To leave my true identity behind for good.

That's why I changed my name, my persona.

Sierra Starr is the girl I've always wanted to be, that's why I use that name. 

It represents the person I can and will become. 

It's more than just a name, it's a personality.

So today I will start a new chapter.

I will write part one of my life, my story, my history.

I will write and write until everything that ever hurt me is exposed.

 "With determination and purpose, I will head into the light."